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A story (a lot of text)
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Post by
kattib
Yes it will be long and yes I am trying to fix the spacing
Alright well I wrote a small legend that I may write a story based off of but I would like to see what people think of it. Please remember that this is one of my first stabs at writing so constructive criticism only (no saying "omg terribad lulz") also if the mods think this is against the rules feel free to lock and delete.
Now onto the story!
EDIT: Dang no indentation on the forums :(
EDIT: Dangit spacing things is hard....
“Nana, Nana! Tell us another story please!” the children said as the fire crackled behind them. “I don't think so, it is much too late and you should all go to bed.” the grandmother wheezed. “Please!” the children said with a longing look in their eyes. “Oh alright!”
Our story begins a long time ago far in the Caiden Desert. A place long forgotten by common man, for the sun beats down hot and the creatures there are dangerous to all. No one knows why but the earth wrenched itself apart one day and from the chasm that formed an evil power emerged. It spread like a storm onto the utopian kingdoms of but it appeared to do nothing but darken the sky. Soon however the normally kind people began to act strange, they began to lie and fight with people they used to call friends.
The dark storm spread and more utopias became dens of evil, but the power of all that is good and light in this world took notice of the darkness and told his sages to research this power. The great sages of light left their shrine in order to research the sudden change of people. As they traveled under the dark storm they felt a sickening energy build up within them and knew that this was the thing changing people. As they continued they could hear a constant whispering but they could not make out what it was saying, they had to escape from under the darkness before it corrupted them. They turned back but then suddenly a group of crazed people appeared, they shouted at them to stay and that they could never return to the light.
The sages ran and even as the mob chased them over the rough rocky terrain but the sages were blessed by the light with magic. Using their power they ran faster then any man has ever run before and escaped from the darkness. They then relaxed knowing they were safe but something was horribly wrong. They could still hear the whispering of the darkness, telling them to do the unspeakable, and they were scared that they would become crazed like the people they encountered under the darkness. They approached the shrine but the light spoke to them in a booming voice, “You cannot approach for you are corrupted by a dark power!” Hearing this the sages snapped and let the darkness take over, the three sages that stayed behind to guard the shrine leaped into action subdued the sages. They were not defeated easily however for even though the light had exiled them they still held its power in their grasp and had no restraint.
The three sages tried to ask what had happened under the storm but they could do nothing but babble crazed and angry. The three knew that some of their best friends must be killed in order to spare them of pain and further corruption. As they put a glimmering knife to each of their necks a harsh voice emerged from all of the corrupted sages throats and shrieked, “I cannot be stopped! Soon this world will belong to me and all will be my slaves!” The strange voice continued to cackle until they cut the corrupted sages throats and the blood spilled from their necks.
The light called his final three sages and said to them, “You are the last of my most loyal sages, I am sad to have killed the other sages but we must not concern ourselves with that now. You must find the source of the storm and seal it away. I will provide you an artifact that will protect you from this evil, I warn you though that even if you are protected, those crazed by the darkness will still attack you.
The sages took the artifact, a gnarled staff topped with a giant orb that shined with a bright soothing light. They traveled to the edge of the storm and nervously stepped under the darkness. Holding the staff aloft they were protected from the evil power and traveled toward the source of the storm. They crossed hundreds of miles without encountering a single living being, however as soon as they stepped into the desert they looked at the horizon in awe. A giant fortress, one that would rival any of the greatest cities of man, stood before them. A dark fortress where the sages saw some of the most horrible creatures and even more terrifying looking men, in armaments of darkened steel.
They knew that this had to be the source of evil and they came to seal away but they were not prepared for this fortress. They held the staff and walked toward the fortress hoping that the light would help them survive. As they stood at the gate on of the horrible creatures jumped down to attack them but when it came close the light struck out at it and it became what it once was, a simple ox. The sages knew that no where would be safe until the darkness was destroyed. They opened the gates of the citadel and walked toward the heart of the citadel, for they imagined that is where the source was. Every enemy that walked toward them became pure again and they were safe from attackers. In the end they reached a large chamber where a dark wind issued out from a chasm.
They took the staff and began to close the chasm, the darkness writhed and tried to lash out against the sages but the staff protected them. The darkness screamed in pain and tried everything it could, every soldier and beast in the fortress attempted to attack them but once again the staff protected them. As the chasm came close to sealing a being made out of the very evil they were fighting came and attacked them. The light shimmered for a moment but then the being vanished, the light seemed to have done away with it. The chasm sealed and the fortress faded away leaving only a small gem where the chasm was sealed.
The light them spoke to the sages, “You have done well, but now that the darkness has tasted freedom it will try everything to be free once more, you must remain here with the staff and maintain the seal that locks the darkness within the ground.”
The Nana proclaimed to her grandchild and said, “well that is the end of our story children, it is time you go to bed.” “Oh alright Nana, hey do you think the darkness will ever come back?” said the children. “Oh of course not, the three sages are still down in the desert guarding the seal so I do not think it will ever return, now off to bed, good night.”
Post by
Robotusch
Jesus christ, wall of text.
Post by
g0urra
Jesus christ, wall of text.
Post by
kattib
Hey I warned you
but I am trying to respace it, not easy on a forum though
Post by
278900
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
165617
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
kattib
tl;dr
I cannot really do that because it is a freaking STORY, do you just read summaries of books and consider that you read the book?
lostguide:
me loves cliche and yes I know some is cliche but consider this a little prologue to a story
Post by
165617
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
kattib
hey maybe the bad guys win or maybe they dont, anyway this isnt really going to be for an entire book story, it will be more like a little backstory that explains things since the actual story will take place after this
Post by
177096
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Dralas
Jesus christ, wall of text.
I had to do that. I'm sorry.
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