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The QOTD Thread: Goodbye
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Post by
Azazel
Anything can work.
Do
they work most of the time? Not from what I've seen. I think it all depends on the people involved and what kind of relationship they have.
This. Surely at least some of them must have worked out.
Post by
Monday
Anything can work.
Do
they work most of the time? Not from what I've seen. I think it all depends on the people involved and what kind of relationship they have.
This. Surely at least some of them must have worked out.
I'd say this.
Post by
Monday
Only if he can go to the US or vice versa. Almost all long distance relationships begin/end with the people meeting.
Post by
Hyperspacerebel
Why is it necessary to escalate their friendship to a relationship at this point? If they are really good friends right now, it stands to reason that they will still be really good friends in a year and a half. What's the rush?
Post by
Azazel
Why is it necessary to escalate their friendship to a relationship at this point? If they are really good friends right now, it stands to reason that they will still be really good friends in a year and a half. What's the rush?
This. I'd suggest he could try and go further when he actually visits her. That way it'll probably be less awkward when he does visit her lol.
Post by
ElhonnaDS
I agree that they can, but often don't. I think a relationship that starts off in person and becomes long distance has a better chance than one that has only ever been long distance, but both have pitfalls. Here's my theory.
When you are in a long distance relationship where you have never seen each other in person, there are a lot of things that I think are working against you. Generally, the reason it starts is that you find that you seem to find the other person to be a great deal of fun to talk to, to have common interests, and generally seem to have compatible personalities. If you get serious, you may also find that you have common goals, which is necessary to make a life together.
However, there are a lot of things you DON'T find out. You don't find out if they have hygiene habits you can't stand, like clipping their nails in the kitchen, not cleaning their ears, not flossing/using mouthwash to combat their halitosis, etc. And they may not be amenable to changing those habits. You don't see if their house is filled top to bottom with crap because they have a hoarding problem, and they just keep the range of the webcam uncluttered. You don't see how they treat other human beings on a day-to-day basis- waitstaff, customer service, their family, etc.- and you learn a lot more about someone from how they treat people who can't defend themselves or walk away than you do from how they treat the person they're trying to get to become intimate with them. And in general, you don't see what happens when they're not flipping on the webcam, not pressing the mic button, etc.- whether they have a hair trigger temper, stumbling over words to get the right turn of phrase before speaking, etc.
And all of the above is not even when someone is actually being deceptive. It's just them being across the state/country/world. People may not be more prone to lying online (though I'd guess many are), but it's certainly much easier to lie without getting caught. Much easier to hide chronic unemployment due to poor attitude or work ethic, much easier to hide infidelity, much easier to hide criminal activity, etc. They could easily lie about their education, history or job, and never worrying about you running into someone who would tell you the truth. It's much easier to be deceived long distance.
And to be honest, you may find out you are physically incompatible. I'm not talking about looks (though some people may find that they're more shallow than they think they are in this kind of a situation)- I'm talking about actually being compatible in how you demonstrate affection and in bed. If someone likes to hug, kiss, hold hands and cuddle, then they are going to feel hurt/rejected by someone who thinks that's silly and mocks it, or are embarrassed to do that unless you are totally alone, or just isn't demonstrative in return. And- putting this as delicately as possible- what if they are lazy/inconsiderate in terms of physical encounters. Not inexperienced or needing to adapt to a new partner, but just oblivious or uncaring that they have to give as good as they get? None of this is conversation material- it comes up when you're in the process of being affectionate or intimate. And in a long distance relationship, you get much further in before you would find out about this kind of thing.
And, since this is already a wall, there is a tendency when we like someone, and don't know certain things about them, that our imagination gets to work painting what-ifs in a positive light. When you're excited about being romantically interested in someone, the scenarios you imagine never involve "What if they are a serial killer, what if he slaps me for not making dinner, what if she takes money out of my wallet." They're always nice things, and part of your overall feeling is going to be colored by that. You may find out that they live up to your hopes, you may find out that they don't, but in a long distance situation, you invest much more time, and probably emotion, before you find out, because of the limited nature of the interactions.
In a relationship that becomes long distance somewhere along the line, you see a lot of returning soldiers whose spouses leave them while they are deployed, a lot of high school couples who break up when they go to college, etc. And that's because even if you know the person, and know they are a good match for you, part of a relationship is being with each other. If it's temporary, and you know exactly how long the separation will last, then it's easier, but if it's long term, or of an unknown duration, it's hard. The dynamic changes when you remove the day to day interaction, the practical ways in which you counted on each other for help is limited, the physical relationship is gone, etc. A lot of people need all of those aspects to be happy in a relationship, and find that once they are gone, they start to resent the other person for not being there, or to find that they now feel closer to another person who IS around and who could provide the parts of the relationship they're missing.
I think that there are certain people who are likely fine with and good at long distance relationships, because of what their priorities and needs are. I think that it's quite possible to find out that all of the things you didn't know about someone because of long distance turn out to be great, or at least don't bother you too much. But, I think that a lot more people attempt long distance relationships than are cut out for them, and a lot of people get really emotionally invested, over a long period of time, only to find out that there were things that they normally would have learned early on that would have made this relationship not work.(##RESPBREAK##)8##DELIM##ElhonnaDS##DELIM##
Post by
Gone
My fiance and I spent 14 months apart, about two years into our relationship, when she had to go back to the Czech Republic while waiting for her K1 visa to go through. It was terrible. By the end we were fighting almost every day.
Long distance relationships can work, but only when the relationship is solid to begin with, and even then it put's a massive strain on the couple. And it's a temporary measure at best. It can never work of people don't have some kind or an end date in mind.
Post by
612548
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Post by
908216
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Post by
240140
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Post by
Raleandris
Depends entirely on the people, what you want in a relationship and what your plans moving forward are. LDR can and do certainly work, but you absolutely can't be fooled into thinking there won't be challenges involved. On top of that, in my experience, the longer the relationship lasts, the less likely it is to succeed with a great distance between the parties involved.
Post by
Skreeran
I can't say in all circumstances.
I will say that they are much more difficult.
Post by
1069282
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Rankkor
#371: Do you think its possible to love more than one person? (Bigamy/Polygamy)
(Sorry for the severe lack of updates, RL stuff is getting hectic, I'm starting to think it may be time for someone else to take over =/)
Post by
Azazel
Honestly, no. With every person being unique, I don't think it's really possible to love 2+ people the same, no matter how similar they are, as there will at least be some slight differences between the 2 that you surely can't think the same of.
That said, it's none of my business whether or not people engage in polygamy or anything related to it. If they enjoy that, then let them do it!
Post by
Hyperspacerebel
Sure, I don't see why not.
Post by
Mike
Yes, but not equally. There will always be a side you lean to more.
Post by
1069282
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Post by
240140
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Post by
Interest
Yes.
Apparently monogamy is boring anyways.
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