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Post by
557473
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
MyTie
It's not about permission, it's about respect for another person.
^ This. If you hook up with your friends ex straight after their break up, you are horrible friend. Especially, if she is willing to, that means it is his fault (as in she might have no feelings left because guy 1 screwed up) and he might still want to try to reconcile with her.
If you love a woman, and desire to enter a relationship with her, and she desires to enter a relationship with you, then that is more powerful than a friendship. That is love. That transcends anything else. If you are willing to put that on hold for anything... ANYTHING... than it isn't love, and you shouldn't bother. You two can't stop yourselfs, if you truly love her and her you. You both are overwhelmed. If your friend doesn't understand that, his problem, and not a very good friend. If you are just "hookin up" with some chick, then that's a different story. I don't know how to advise that, besides to tell you to stop being scum.
Post by
Squishalot
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, it does not act unbecomingly, it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. That's the nature of love. It isn't set aside in case somebody else isn't cool with it yet, because he was recently in a relationship with one of the people involved.
You're focusing on the relationship element of love, and completely ignoring the platonic love that comes with being 'bros' with someone. If you don't want to hurt a friend,
because
he's important to you too, then you do the right thing and don't tread on his turf without at least asking. What you're suggesting is that, in the name of love, it's perfectly alright to have sex with your best mate's wife while they're still married. Respectfully, I completely disagree.
Post by
MyTie
his turf
You and I... we aren't on the same page.
Post by
Squishalot
his turf
You and I... we aren't on the same page.
If you want to drop it on
semantics
, then that's up to you.
Post by
Jubilee
If you love a woman, and desire to enter a relationship with her, and she desires to enter a relationship with you, then that is more powerful than a friendship. That is love. That transcends anything else. If you are willing to put that on hold for anything... ANYTHING... than it isn't love, and you shouldn't bother. You two can't stop yourselfs, if you truly love her and her you. You both are overwhelmed. If your friend doesn't understand that, his problem, and not a very good friend. If you are just "hookin up" with some chick, then that's a different story. I don't know how to advise that, besides to tell you to stop being scum.
And now do you understand why I will let nothing or no one get in the way of me being able to marry the woman I love?
Post by
MyTie
If you love a woman, and desire to enter a relationship with her, and she desires to enter a relationship with you, then that is more powerful than a friendship. That is love. That transcends anything else. If you are willing to put that on hold for anything... ANYTHING... than it isn't love, and you shouldn't bother. You two can't stop yourselfs, if you truly love her and her you. You both are overwhelmed. If your friend doesn't understand that, his problem, and not a very good friend. If you are just "hookin up" with some chick, then that's a different story. I don't know how to advise that, besides to tell you to stop being scum.
And now do you understand why I will let nothing or no one get in the way of me being able to marry the woman I love?
... I've
always
understood it Jubilee.
Post by
557473
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
MyTie
Gentlemen, I think we are touching on some of the fundamental differences between our two, very different, ways of thinking.Love comes and goes. Friends are forever.there's no right or wrong.I eagerly await the day the day when a fully developed loving relationship reaches fruitation in your lives. Then you can explain to me your view on "bros before hos", and how "love comes and goes". You should put those in your wedding vows, when the time comes. It'd be hilarious. =D
I just... I pity these trains of thought. That's really what it is. I know I stand no chance of "teaching" you, because this is not something that can be "taught". I have no desire to convince anyone otherwise, as that is the most futile task that can be undertaken.
I adjourn my involvement in this imbecilic conversation.
Post by
gnomerdon
it depends on what person values, that's why i say there's no right or wrong. being right could be meaning getting shot in the chest for some. it could go that far.
it was fair game to date her because she's been apart from him.
but, there also comes respect and loyalty to friends who are SENSITIVE to these kind of things. is it their fault they were too slow? yes. is it their fault that they acted wrongly, yes. do they think it's their fault for acting the way they are now? no.
the best friend is definitely wrong for even complaining, but he still has a reason that could change the road indefinitely.
of course, if you are straight forward and ur best friend is straight forward and chill about it, then it's all good. but, we are all humans, and i know a few people irl who died because of these little misunderstandings in love.
not everyone can forgive and forget.
im sure ur easily able to forget it and move on if ur ex-girlfriend moved on and dated ur best friend, but for some others, they won't take it as lightly as you would.
edit: i only support the bros before girlfriends theory for safety measures and no bad blood. in a perfect world, i would agree with you mytie.
Post by
557473
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Squishalot
I eagerly await the day the day when a fully developed loving relationship reaches fruitation in your lives. Then you can explain to me your view on "bros before hos", and how "love comes and goes". You should put those in your wedding vows, when the time comes. It'd be hilarious. =D
I'd love to see how you rationalise your relationship with your kids, in contrast to your wife's position at the top of your world.
Post by
168916
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
821119
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
ElhonnaDS
I think the main issue is that you felt the need to keep it a secret for six months from your "best" friend.
I don't think it should be a huge deal that you're dating his ex, in and of itself. But if you've been doing it for 6 months, and haven't told him, then he has a right to feel like you weren't really fair with him. I'm not saying you need his permission- but if you told him, maybe he wouldn't have spent any of that time deciding whether or not to try and get back with her, and getting emotionally involved with that decision. If you told him, maybe he wouldn't feel like you lied by omission. Honestly, the fact that you didn't tell him, as a courtesy as a friend, is where you were wrong.
Post by
134377
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
557473
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
ElhonnaDS
I think the main issue is that you felt the need to keep it a secret for six months from your "best" friend.
I don't think it should be a huge deal that you're dating his ex, in and of itself. But if you've been doing it for 6 months, and haven't told him, then he has a right to feel like you weren't really fair with him. I'm not saying you need his permission- but if you told him, maybe he wouldn't have spent any of that time deciding whether or not to try and get back with her, and getting emotionally involved with that decision. If you told him, maybe he wouldn't feel like you lied by omission. Honestly, the fact that you didn't tell him, as a courtesy as a friend, is where you were wrong.
Did he keep it secret? The way I read it, he waited for six months before starting dating her.
The way I read it, they waited for six months, then started dating for six months? Maybe I'm wrong- it's hard to tell- the English is really atrocious. Either way, even if they were only dating for a month or two, he still hid it from his best friend.
Post by
MyTie
I adjourn my involvement in this imbecilic conversationI will put my 'imbecilic' point of view this way.I never said that about your point of view or anyone else's. I think you all have valuable outlooks on the topic. I don't agree with them, but they aren't less valuable because of that. I called the conversation imbicilic, because it is such a fundamental understanding, that of relationships, and love, that we aren't going to make any head way explaining this to each other. We might as well be talking in different languages. We are different to our CORE. This is the ultimate semantic argument.... love, which in my opinion, isn't a topic to be hashed out over an online forum.
You'd get along with me a lot better if you didn't assume my critical words were a personal affront to you. They are not meant that way.
Post by
pnkflffytutu
I think the main issue is that you felt the need to keep it a secret for six months from your "best" friend.
I don't think it should be a huge deal that you're dating his ex, in and of itself. But if you've been doing it for 6 months, and haven't told him, then he has a right to feel like you weren't really fair with him. I'm not saying you need his permission- but if you told him, maybe he wouldn't have spent any of that time deciding whether or not to try and get back with her, and getting emotionally involved with that decision. If you told him, maybe he wouldn't feel like you lied by omission. Honestly, the fact that you didn't tell him, as a courtesy as a friend, is where you were wrong.
I think it would be pretty hard to keep it a secret unless as soon as said friend showed up she disappeared.
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