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I like a girl...but......(Warning: Long Read)
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Post by
Gone
All this really means is that she doesnt have the same lingering crush that you do, it doesnt mean that you cant still get to know her again.
I mean I dont wanna give you false hope, but I dont wanna crush it either. You can still wait a week or so and try to strike up a conversation.
Post by
ElhonnaDS
@Sold
Being willing to accept a friend request =/= wanting to meeting up with someone. I get friend requests all the time, and if it was someone I ever knew, I feel it's polite to accept. Just like if I ran into someone who I once knew in public, I'd feel it was polite to chit chat for a bit. If someone I knew at age 12 wanted to hang out, depending on the person I may possibly make some polite excuse, because I don't really KNOW know them anymore. A friend request on facebook is not a commitment of time. If your first message had been something like "Hey, did you see this article," or something like that, even if she wasn't interested in hanging out, she might have replied because you weren't asking her for anything. In your first message, you asked to hang out. It's quite possible she's ignoring the message to avoid that. If you plan on messaging her again, the last thing you should do is be "Hey- I asked you to hang out. Remember?" If anything, back it off and just share a joke or something you thought was funny, and actually build up a rapport before you ask her to hang out.
Post by
Gone
Bah maybe theyre right, Im being over optimistic. It may in fact be time to throw in the towel dude. I mean she might always return your message, but dont message her anymore for a while.
Just dont let this get you down, or discourage you from putting yourself out there in the future.
Post by
588688
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Post by
ElhonnaDS
I think that a lot of people get really over anxious about the small details, like "did I call too soon or not soon enough, did I spend the right amount on dinner, should I have suggested coffee instead of dinner, did i screw up by bringing up the wrong movie, etc." Barring overly aggressive, clingy or weird behavior, most of those things don't matter as much as you think. Most people I know who are in long term relationships have some story or another about something really awkward that happened when they first met. On my sister's first date with her now husband, his ex-girlfriend followed them to her apartment and started screaming at him in the street in the middle of the night. On my first date with my fiancee, we were supposed to just have lunch, but after he told me he wasn't leaving the island for like 5 more hours, oblivious to how awkward that was to assume since I was his ride to the boat. My grandfather was an hour and a half late to his first date with my grandmother.
If you have chemistry with someone, then all the stupid things don't matter too much. When you don't have chemistry with someone, then avoiding every faux pas won't help you a bit. If she doesn't have an interest in reconnecting, then there is no way you could have phrased that message that would have changed that.
Post by
588688
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Post by
Adamsm
Pretty much.
Post by
ElhonnaDS
If you have chemistry with someone, then all the stupid things don't matter too much. When you don't have chemistry with someone, then avoiding every faux pas won't help you a bit. If she doesn't have an interest in reconnecting, then there is no way you could have phrased that message that would have changed that.
So you're saying that even if I had chose to just try to start a conversation with her on facebook, she still would've ignored me?
Probably not ignored, but if she was already interested in you, then it wouldn't have mattered whether you said lets hang out or asked about the weather. If she's not then it doesn't matter whether you say the funniest thing in the world, or come off as really awkward. I'm not saying that people can't go from not being interested to being interested over the course of getting to know someone, but they do at least have to be interested in being friends or spending time together for that to happen.
My advice was that if you started to talk to her, and didn't ask to meet up right away, it would have been less awkward and she would have been more likely to respond, but probably wouldn't have been the difference between her wanting or not wanting to actually hang out, unless you chatted for a significant period of time. My advice about not following up with "Did you forget to answer me," is that IMO that crosses the line from awkward to aggressive, which has a tendency to scare people, especially when it's out of the blue after years.
Post by
588688
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Post by
ElhonnaDS
Right- if she has a desire to meet up before you asked, then you asking would have worked great.
Post by
Gone
Btw Im sure she didnt see you message and instantly go "OH GAWD HE WANTS TO NAIL ME"
She may just have thought you are a friendly or outgoing person, and she just may be a more shy or withdrawn person.
Post by
331902
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Post by
588688
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Gone
Above all else I think you need to rely on your own judgement. I know you probably don't have a lot of confidence in the area since you said in the beginning you havnt dated a lot, but nobody else on this site is exactly a player either. Try to start learning to trust your instincts and take risks, you may get hurt a few times, but I assure you its all part of the learning curve.
Post by
588688
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
588688
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
HiVolt
Well, I joined zoosk, and managed to find a girl who's attractive enough and seems compatable with me based on her profile. I just sent her a message to innitiate a conversation (she's online right now), hopefully this goes well. (Also, there's this chick on Zoosk who I swear to freaking god looks exactly like Meghan Fox, and her name is even Meghan).
edit: Hmm, she logged off without responding. She was still on for a few minutes after I sent it, and it was in the chat box so there's no message left in her inbox. Well, I probably blew that one too, unless she didn't see it, which I doubt.
Don't worry about that. The return rates for messages sent on dating sites is really low. You might get a response for one out of every twenty messages. Don't take it to heart. I never had much luck with those sites, especially zoosk, but I've been thinking about rejoining OkCupid recently. I actually liked that site a lot.
Post by
588688
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
HiVolt
Meh, I just deleted my zoosk account, since I couldn't find anyone else in my city who was appealing. I'm giving OKCupid a chance, but jeeze.....I put so much effort typing that message, only to have it fall flat on it's face. Ugg, I'll keep trying.
You'll probably have a lot more luck if you increase your search radius a bit. Try looking in neighboring cities as well. You'll also probably have a lot more luck on OkCupid. The way it matches you with people is by asking you a bunch of questions, written mainly by other users of the site, to try and get a sense of your personality. You'll give your answer, your match's ideal answer, and how important the question is to you. Your matches will be calculated based on the answers to your questions. The more questions you answer, the better a match you can get. They also have a blogging tool that's pretty great. It acts more like a journal than anything else, but it's still pretty good.
In my time on the site, I found that it's much more user-friendly than pretty much every other dating site out there. I had much more luck getting responses to my messages on there than I did for any other site, even having been a paid member of both Match.com and eHarmony.
Lol, I think I'll go back and sign up again. Couldn't hurt, right?
Also, maybe it would help if you didn't put so much into the message. Act like you're just saying hello to strangers.
Post by
588688
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