A brief look into my character and his history

Post by Randoom

I spent a little time today writing this up, it's a brief look into my character and the timeline of his life and those surrounding him, i plan to write a story on it all, let me know your thought's on it and opinion's.

Please be constructive with any replies, think before you hit submit, if it might come across as arrogant or rude just don't post or edit.

The History of Ardainie James

Ardainie was a man like any other of Lordaeron, He was a farmer on a small farm between Agamand Mills and Solliden Farmstead, their he lived with his father an old man with whom needed a staff to walk anywhere with and his dear wife both of which he never speaks of due to the terrible loss of them at the hand of the horde during the second war, his farm was all but burnt down and his belongings either taken as treasure of destroyed in the flames. Ardainie barely escaped with his life, he was in the fields when he family met their demise when he heard their screams of pain he ran but it was too late, as he exited the fields he saw his home in flames, it was at this moment the horde grunts caught him in their sight, he ran as quickly as he could in hopes to reach Brill and warn the Lordaeron people, they didn’t chase him for long...
When Ardainie reached Brill he warned the army and they set out to fight the orc’s, he joint them as a soldier. After the second war had ended Ardainie travelled the lands of Lordaeron in search of orc's to kill in revenge of his family, along his travels he met a young ebony woman by the name of Raveyn, at first she sought to rob him of his armour and weapon but after an attack from some local wildlife they decided to stick together. They travelled the lands for 6 months before heading back to the kingdom where they settled down in a small cottage inside the city walls, due to his effort during and after the war the commander of his regiment thought he was deserving of a new home for his new family. 4 months later and Raveyn gave birth to a little girl, Rynona, Ardainie had never felt such joy...but that would not last, a new threat had landed in Lordaeron, the scourge. Ardainie was now a sergeant in the army and would lead many battles against this new foe, however it would all be in vain, many men lost their lives and inevitably the kingdom fell, A small patch of survivor’s wondered the road through Silverpine Forrest including Ardainie and his family, occasionally they would be attacked by undead but nothing they could not handle, along their path a old man adorned with silver armour and a large mace travelled by on a horse, he told them that Stormwind was rebuilt and they would be welcomed in Elwynn Forrest, however Ardainie had asked if he could join the man after hearing of his order and what his plans where, he was a knight of the silver hand and with time he would teach Ardainie how to wield the light to shield himself from harm and slay the undead. When the Knights of the silver hand heard of their prince’s betrayal many of them disbanded and joint other factions this particular paladin was seeking a new faction known as the scarlet crusade, Ardainie was pleased to hear of a faction entirely devoted to reclaiming their land from the vile abomination that is the undead scourge. For 9 years Adriane fought valiantly against the scourge for the sake of his family back in Stormwind it was when he heard that the argent crusade where leading an attack on the lich king himself that he decided to head home to see his family and plead with the crusade to come and retrieve their homeland first.
Upon arrival of Stormwind Ardainie was greeted by a young ebony woman, she looks just like his wife... but she was far too young, it was his daughter Rynona, she had grown up so much since he last saw her, she was now residing in the cathedral and learning to wield the light as a priestess. She had the ill news of informing him that her mother had been killed by a group of ogres as they passed through Arathi highlands, the humans of refuge Pointe had noticed the attack as they patrolled the area and were just in time to save a few of the group including herself. Ardainie strong with hate stormed off out the gate seeking revenge for his lost love, Rynona however did not follow, her place was in the cathedral helping the people of Stormwind.

Ardainie filled with hate travelled all the lands of the eastern kingdom attacking all bandits, undead, ogres and orc’s on sight, never would his heart be healed after this latest blow...
5 years had passed, Ardainie was barely a memory to all whom remained alive to know him, his daughter Rynona cared little about the father she never knew, he would continue to care for her himself but felt he could only protect her best from far away killing anything before it got anywhere close to the kingdom of Stormwind. One dawn he awoke at the feeling of the earth shake, quickly he got on his steed and travelled back to Stormwind, it was engulfed in flames and much of it was crumbling, all he could think about was what faction had done this and where his heading would next be to slay more enemies. A recruitment officer approached him and asked he see the king, Varian. Varian was a war ready leader, one in which Ardainie could relate, Varian told him of the attack from Deathwing, a large black dragon with lava seeping from his scales, He asked Ardainie to join the fight against the worst enemy they might ever face, Ardainie was all too willing, he visited his daughter quickly before leaving to give her something he found on his journey previously, it was a necklace with her picture inside, he had retrieved it from her mother’s remains, and as quickly as he came he was gone again.
After Deathwing’s defeat Ardainie returned to Lordaeron adorned in fresh armour and his old tabard of the scarlet crusade, he would continue to fight the undead there until he was needed once more...
Rynona was now roughly 14 years of age and had found someone of great interest one day walk into her cathedral, her grandfather Ruffas, he was a paladin of Stormwind.
Ardainie at this point would be roughly somewhere between 40 and 45 years of age.

Ardaine is of pale complexion; he is well built and has long grey hair ties back in a ponytail with a few strands loose just barely covering his bright blue eyes.
Rynona is of ebony complexion, she is of a fit build with a long brunette ponytail.
Ruffas is of ebony complexion, he is very well built, he is bald with a grey beard.

Post by Gumballs

Post by Randoom

Alright, I just have a few points. First off, this was a little difficult to read as you have a lot of run on sentences. Periods are your friends. ;)

Now I don't claim to be a lore expert or anything, but if I'm correct the age of your character doesn't make sense. According to the timelines I have seen, the Shattering happened at year 39 after the Dark Portal was opened (year 0). Which, if your character is 40-45 after Deathwings death, would put your character at age 1-6 when the Orcs first came to Azeroth, assuming Deathwings death occured the same year as the Shattering.

Another thing you never mention is training as a warrior. If this young farmhand is off fighting orcs and scourge, how did he acquire the skills to do so? It wouldn't be uncommon for the humans to raise a call of arms and require every able bodied man to fight. But that doesn't mean they will be good fighters, especially if he was a young male who grew up on a farm with an old man and his wife. Did he suddenly jump into the battle against the orcs without any prior experience in combat and kick ass? I highly doubt it. He would have had to have spend years acquiring and perfecting those skills afterwards to become a warrior and eventually a paladin, so when did that happen?

My last point is that the name Raveyn is very cliche, especially since it is a woman with darker skin. However this is not a game breaker (just a little corny) so if you are set on the name it's not a huge deal.

Overall it looks like the basis for a decent character. I'd like to get to know him more, so keep disecting him and his history and sharing. :)

yeah sorry about the heap of text, i wrote it very fast from what i knew i wanted as the basis and foundation to the story.

if i am wrong with the timeline im gona be pissed lol, i saved 3 timeline sites including wowwiki's which seems to be quite correct with lore :S so yeah... might need you to check that up for me as i only found 3 decent ones and all were very similar with a few bits cut out of 2 hence why i chose the 3rd.

the training will come in a full story, this was just a brief look into the character, im going to make a lot of models with gear put on them on wowhead for the story, one of which will have the bloody soaked bandage... yup he has come out worse for wear more than once! he is not surposed to be invincible, but very mad with vengeance, he has been lucky so far to have people watching his back at most corner's....but i dont want to spoil his ending :D

the name was actually surposed to be ravin but i couldnt get it for my wow character so i fiddled around until i got one similar...didnt think it was that cliche, oh well, just gona have to live with ith arent you? :P all the names of the ebony side of the family have a common occurance, they begin with 'R' ... there will be a reason for this in a future glimpse :D

thanks for the response

Post by Gumballs

This is the timeline I used for reference. Like I said I'm not a lore expert, I struggle with timelines myself ALL the time for my characters, so I could be completely wrong with this. They are such a pain haha. You might want to have someone like Adams or Skree check it out as they know way more than me about this stuff.

I'm looking forward to see the rest of Ardaine's story and history unfold!

Post by Levarus

Lordaeron, He

He should be he.

their he lived

there*

his father an old man
You have two options: change the sentence to his who was an old man or put a comma between father and an. Else someone could assume he lived with his father and another old man.

Anyways, that was just in the first couple sentences, and if I corrected the other errors this post would be very, very long. Also, don't explain character's appearances at the end of the story, do that at the beginning. Else someone imagines a character the way they see him for the entire story and has a hard time seeing that character in an image different to that which they imagined him in. I found it very hard to read, and suggest a title rather than "a brief look into my character's history" since no one knows who your character is.

Anyways, that's my advice.

Post by MasterOfDisguise

Argument removed. Levarus' post may have been a little strongly worded, but I honestly don't see any malicious intent behind it. The advice is for Randoom, so let him decide whether he wants to accept it. There's no point in jumping to his defense and derailing the thread in the process.

A brief look into my character and his history

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