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Battle for Theramore short story (LF constructive feedback)
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With School back in session my goal is to try and get better at my writing skills. So I wrote a short story and would like some feedback on how to get better. TY and enjoy.^^
In the murky swamps of Dustwallow Marsh, a group of battled fatigued Alliance soldiers travel there way through the body littered swamps back to Theramore, the Alliance town they fought so valiantly to defend. They were lead by a female night elf wearing badly damaged light armor, this stayed alert for any up coming dangers as the faint sounds of steel clashing could be heard from all around.
Further in, bodies of the Horde and Alliance festering in the muddy swamps became more and more unavoidable to miss, as some couldn’t help but step on a few blood socked corpses. A dwarf, in light armor, holding his rifle at the ready looked in horror as he saw his comrade’s mutilated bodies.
“Look at this; it looks like this lot suffered the worst of it. Blasted Horde will pay for this” He clinched his teeth in anger hoping his allies didn’t suffer slow deaths.
The night elf continued on thought, not letting the carnage distract her. “The Horde will soon answer for every lost life here, until then we must march on and not let there deaths be in vain.”
“I’m sure they will, lass. I just hope too many don’t have to die for us to accomplish that” replied the dwarf as he held up his rifle at the ready.
The trees thickened as they marched on, the ever alert night elf notices a dead black armored female blood elf, which looked pined to a tree by a sword through her chest. She turned her attention forward as she walked pass the dead elf. Suddenly, the night elf felt the cold steel of a clawed gauntlet digging into the flesh of her throat, and pulled her face within inches of the dead elf. The night elf’s eyes were met by the icy glare of the dead elf revealing she was alive. The night elf tries to go for her dagger, but the undead elf rips out her throat with her steel claws. The helpless night elf falls to the muddy ground as her blood pours from her neck.
“Noooo.” roars the dwarf as he points his gun at the risen death knight. But a massive, spiked haired orc from behind pops up from the mud and takes one devastating swing from his axe and sends the dwarf slamming him into a tree in a bloody mess. “Attack!” The orc roared vigorously.
Forsaken corpses once thought dead began to rise up from all directions. From the muddy waters to directly underneath, the forsaken forces slash and stabbed there ambushed victims in every direction. Pulling the broken sword from her chest, the death knight watches proudly as the last reaming Alliance soldiers were slaughtered.
“Saria, this isn’t exactly my ideal way to fight. All this sneaking around and playing dead in the mud is no fun at all.” Said eye-patched orc as he walked over to his death knight, companion.
Saria couldn’t help but smirk at her orc friend. “Konoch, sometimes it best to out smart the enemy and take them by surprise, then to charge head on without a plan.”
The orc laughs, “Where’s the fun in that? Who needs a plan when just overpowering the enemy is just as effective?” explains the orc as he throws his gigantic axe over his shoulder. The death knight couldn’t help but sigh at the battle hungry orc.
Just then, Saria notices a badly injured female sin’dorei, with damaged mail armor staggering towards them. “Saria, thank goodness I was able to find you out here.” the injured blood elf fell to her knees, reveled she finally found allies this far out.
“Maraala, are you ok?” The concerned death knight rushes over to her. Just then Saria’s eyes flung open in shock.
“Maraala, you were assigned to attack Theramore from the behind along with my brother. What happened to him? Where is he? Saria’s voice began to rise in anger, hoping to not hear the worst.
Maraala lowers her head in shame. “The attack was a failure. We had to fight our way through the town just make our escape. We made it out the west gate, but your brother along with the others stayed behind to hold off the Alliance so the injured could make there escape.” The blood elf continued to hang her head down, not wanting to look Saria in the eye.
“Everyone, were going on a rescue mission!” Saria shouted. “I’ll need one of you to escort Marraala back to base, the rest of you were moving out. Your coming too Konoch.” Saria dashes off full speed with her reminding platoon to Theramore.
“Ha, like you really needed to tell me.” The orc couldn’t help hold his excitement for the fun that was soon to come.
“Brother I swear, if you’re dead I will kill them all! I will not stop until every last one is dead. Ill bomb Theramore and all the Alliance cities into a chemical wasteland if I have to! The Alliance will soon know my wrath!”
Haha that was awesome! I liked!
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